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Your hands are your first and best lesbian sex toy, and one thing you can do with them is spank someone! Spanking is maybe the most common entry point for impact play in the bedroom for people interested in trying it out. What a cornucopia of delights. In a literal sense, spanking is a slapping gesture specifically on the ass, or sometimes back of the thighs. Spanking can represent a range of things for the person administering a spanking and receiving it. When our bodies are pumped full of the intense chemicals associated with sexual arousal, sensations that might normally feel unpleasant or too intense can feel really good, and spanking or striking can be one of them.
People might enjoy giving or receiving spankings for either of these reasons; many people like both. I sometimes use spanking on its own, as an over the knee punishment session, which sometimes also includes hitting with a a folded belt or paddle. A lot of people find spanking to be really fun! You know this, but: before hitting someone you need to talk to them!
Do not just smack someone and see how they react. It may sound really hard to do; talking really directly about the sex you want is hard at first, but it does get easier as you practice it, and it really is the best way to get what you want. It might be easier and more productive to bring it up for the first time outside of a sexual context, laying the groundwork and broaching the subject before mentioning it in the bedroom.
Also, sobriety is recommended by me for impact play and kink in general. Be safe, friends! First, you need to figure out literally how to do it. For example, you can hit with your fingers together or apart, and your hand flat or more cupped. Personally, I prefer my fingers together and a bit of a cupped palm, as it makes a more satisfying noise upon impact, and delivers a deeper blow. Even for the same person, on different days or in different situations a stroke that normally feels like a 2 could sometimes feel like a 6, and so on; pay attention and listen to their verbal and nonverbal cues about how intense things are feeling.
How does it feel different if you connect with your fingers first as opposed to the heel of your hand? Do you know what your play partner likes, and in what contexts? Talk about it! The next most important step is to learn some safety. To recap! OTK is when you, the spanker, are seated on a chair or edge of the bed or sofa or wherever!
This makes the spanks hurt more. The first step I recommend is a warm up. Hit repeatedly at that level, or alternate a little less and a little more. As you spank, blood will start flowing to the area in response to the pain, the area you spank will noticeably warm to the touch, and endorphins will start releasing too. A warmup might take five to ten minutes or longer, so be patient. If your hand gets sore, you can switch hands, or try curling your fingers into a fist and punching the thicker parts of the butt.
This creates a deeper, thuddy sensation which is a nice offset to the stingier slap. You can also switch to an impact toy if you have one, or root around in your kitchen drawer for something useful like a spatula — just be real careful of that tailbone. Once your bottom has been warmed up, and their butt is hot to the touch, you can start to hit harder.
Instead you might want to try switching up the intensity. You can keep the hits even on each butt cheek or not! Getting skin wet before a spanking makes the hit way more stingy and powerful. Try it on yourself! Also cooling off the ly warmed up area with something cold will make it more painful if you want to be meaner. A great way to combine these two is to use an ice cube on the butt after a real good spanking. A butt plug inserted or a vibrator held in place by the bottom while the session is happening can be really fun to play with too! As the helpful diagram above shows, oranges the butt is not the only fruit when it comes to impact play.
The heavy muscles of the thigh area make it great for any kind of impact play. Obviously this can be a great fit for positions where somebody is already in front of you with their legs spread! Have fun out there. Ask your partner whether a more superficial, stingy slap feels better in this area or a deeper, thuddier impact that resonates throughout the torso. Face slapping also can go wrong fast, so if you have terrible aim it may not be the best for you. You can try this out on your own cheek to feel how it works; a controlled, centered slap where the impact comes from the breadth of your fingers feels really different from connecting with the palm or heel of your hand into the jawbone.
If you slap someone across the ear, you run a high risk of rupturing their eardrum with the force of the air. I know more than one person who has had this happen after a badly aimed face slap, so please be careful. Aftercare can look like cuddling after, or words of affirmation, or thanking the partner for the experience, or having an ice cream together. Make space for both you and your partner to be honest about what you both feel and need afterward!
Just make sure you take care of each other, and try to meet both of your needs. I'm the tech director for Autostraddle, which means I oversee all the tech-related stuff and do anything from coding the website to keeping the servers online. I also enjoy finding ways technology can make it easier for our writers to work. Apart from Autostraddle, I really enjoy making things, breaking things and then fixing them again, taking pictures, getting outside, making food, working on my house and garden, and travel. If I had known, I would have chosen a Friday eve to experiment, to minimize potential awkwardness at work.
One of my favorite kinds of spanking aftercare is when my partner rubs cool lotion on my warm butt after. Then we open the door and let the soft kitties come cuddle with us because we are also saps. You've decided to leave a comment. That's fantastic. Please keep in mind that comments are moderated by the guidelines laid out in our comment policy. Let's have a personal and meaningful conversation and thanks for stopping by! What is spanking? Asking for it You know this, but: before hitting someone you need to talk to them!
Ok, so where and how? Extra credit activities Getting skin wet before a spanking makes the hit way more stingy and powerful. Before you go! It takes funding to keep this publication by and for queer women and trans people of all genders running every day. Still, Related: bdsm kink. Cee has written 18 articles for us. You May Also Like This is really cool and informative! The face bruises much easier than other parts of the body, it seems, esp with cheekbone impact.
Reply to This Comment. Hell yes hell yes One of my favorite kinds of spanking aftercare is when my partner rubs cool lotion on my warm butt after. Thanks so much for this! I like this article very very much. Fantastic article. Great overview of a super fun kink activity. Contribute to the conversation Cancel reply Yay!
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A Beginner's Guide To Erotic Spanking